Monday, May 22, 2006

Part 12: Cellos and arguments

My comm unit was ringing and I grabbed it hoping it was the information I had requested. It was early, 5:30, but I didn't mind being disturbed. I sat upright in bed and grabbed the unit. YES. It was an old level 50 teammate Canadian Elf, now retired (well she likes to call it retirement) and working reception in a well connected office. She didn't need the work but she liked being around people and really liked dressing up in business suits.

"Mental, meet me in Peregrine Island in fifteen minutes. You are flying again right?"

"Uh, yeah, I'll be there."

I scrambled out of bed and went to put on some clothes. Between the call and banging around looking for something decent to wear I forgot the person rustling now on the other side of the bed. His face looked up confused and sheet marked.

"Mandy, what is it?"

"Nothing Frank, just stay here, no need to wake. I'll be right back."

"K" and he immediately started snoring. I stared for a moment and smiled. I slid the balcony door open, shut it behind me and jumped off the building.

"Oh, shoot!." I exclaimed and dialed up Elfie. "I have a therapy session and if I miss another Dr. Smythe will lecture me and I'm not in the mood for one of those sessions."

"No problem Mental, I'll meet you on my lunch break."

I changed my flight direction towards Dr. Baldy McSweatsalot. Ugh, not again.

The session started as usual. Him prying into my thoughts and feelings of family members.

"Last time we were interrupted. Tell me about your Grandmother."

"Well, she could be the most beautiful, charming person one minute and the next a horrid, horrid monster."

"Go on. And tell me how she made you feel." he said sweating. I preceded to tell him about my eighth birthday party.

The gift was taller than I was and I stared at it all day in its wrappings with wonder. My mother reacted quickly when I looked at it with confusion in my young eyes. She was always protective of me.

"Its a musical instrument, a cello, from your Nonna. Now if you don't like it I'm sure she..." she was interrupted as she shot daggers toward my grandmother

"Nonsense, Maggie, she will love it. All Cambridges play instruments and this one is so beautiful. Amanda don't you just love..."

"No. No, Penelope you will not do this to her. Look at her! She doesn't even know what it is for godsake!." she looked away from me and tried to keep the next bit out of my earshot. It didn't work; my mother was a passionate woman. "We have been through this, Penny, we will raise this child as we see fit. I already gave in to the private school thing."

"And look how good she is doing. She's practically at middle school level and she's not in third grade." she paused and collected herself. One of her best methods of disarming people. "Look, I know its hard where you come from, but our family has a long and storied history and it is very important that future generations are given the proper cultural tools to continue those traditions."

"Do. Not. Talk down to me. Understand me. I am a part of this family. My husband is the ONLY thing holding it together right now. Everything this family has been through and all you can think of are stupid superficial traditions. She is a little girl. A beautiful, bright, fun-loving little girl who does not need this pressure.
Especially from you......"


"You two stop this now." came the quiet, confident voice of Daddy. He spoke softly and infrequently, chosing to listen first, and when he spoke all listened. The room fell silent. "I will not allow this on my babies birthday. Go into the kitchen if you want to have this conversation, but do not show yourselves on her day...."

"Nonna," my voice trembled with tears. "I love it; it's pretty." Nonna bolted across the room and hugged me as she looked at my mother with a look of pure satisfaction and contempt. I didn't notice it then as a child, but as an adult I now recognize it was the competitive look of a mother-in-law letting the daughter-in-law know who's really in charge.

I stayed and played with my new toys but was most excited about my cello lessons that Nonna had already scheduled for me. I loved to please my Nonna.

I heard the fight as it continued in the kitchen. I don't remember it verbatim but several references to proper breeding and worthiness;pretention and pompeity. But I do remember one line that always stuck in my brain.

"I do not want her to grow up to be someone like you."

Sometimes Nonna's words could cut like razors. My mother stayed in her room for a week. My father tried to console her but she was angry with him for putting up with her. I heard their fights that week too. Not angry at each other but unhappy with the others relationship with my grandmother and how if effects them. They had never fought before because they were so in love. This is the only time I ever heard them raise their voices to each other. I just stayed in my room and played with my new favorite toy. I was actually a natural at the cello. My instructor was pleased. I could be the next great prodigy. I had my first recital in October of that year, one day before I had my first seizure. One day before my life changed forever. Cancer.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

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