Part 10: The two things heroes fear most

Ask any hero what they fear most and I bet you most of them will tell you one of two things. Probably both.

#1. Getting their powers. Most don't ask for their "special abilities". Heroes are usually normal people with normal lives until fate steps in. Many fear they will become too powerful and hurt themselves or others. Some fear how it will affect their lives. (It will. It always does.) Most fear the prejudices about metahumans (until recently it was not well accepted to be gifted); I find people would just rather fit in than stick out. But I think most just fear the unknown.

#2 Losing their powers. This one may surprise people. You see, hero work is a commitment. It is an "all-in" moment. A complete willingness to give up your time, career, relationships and maybe even your life for a greater good. (Some compare it to the priesthood) It is a decision one does not want to make in vain. So once made the thought of losing it is truly frightening.

Oh....and plus.....flying is REALLY FUN!!!

Linceti, Molten and myself made a nice little team. We spent the next few nights tracking down small time crooks in Atlas Park. Molten seemed to have a natural ability for finding teammates. Soon we found ourselves teaming with a sweet quiet teenager named Boomgirl with impressive sonic attacks. As we improved our security clearance we moved on to more challenging areas of the city. I was focused on getting into Perez Park (a minimum security level 7 zone known for harboring many Vahzilok gang members) maybe I could get some answers from one of them.

My powers were strengthening but they were definitely different than before. I could still use mental powers but they subdued and controlled more than merely damaged targets. I could actually visualize a victims mind and knew how to manipulate and dominate them. I could see fear, anger, emotions. I couldn't necessarily read their minds...I wasn't psychic but I could see exactly how to attack them and where they were vulnerable.

My protective powers were different also. I used to be able to create bubbles of force that defended myself and my allies from attacks. These powers originated from my mind as my new ones did. But the old ones didn't hurt like these. I could feel the tumor vibrate inside my head! It released precise frequencies that protected others and even weakened some. I quickly learned how to moderate these frequencies to help my allies. Although different my powers proved affective and my teammates proved worthy. We were leveling and strengthening much quicker than I did in my prior journey at the low levels. By September 13, I was already Security Level 15 and finally regained my flight powers. I said goodbye to my teammates and spent the remaining day and night in the peaceful beauty of the Paragon skyline. I flew for hours just glad to feel the freedom of air travel. My mind drifted to happier times....my childhood....my mothers kisses......my fathers wisdom......the peace I attained from the Smythe family......Tess's friendship.......fighting crime/making a difference.....the face of children after saving them from a burning building.....the cracked face of a 90 year old woman as she smiled when I rescued her from Rikti in Founder Falls.....Nicholas proposing to me. I welled up with tears. Happy tears. Some sad. I had my freedom back and things felt better. At 2:00 am I landed on my balcony in Steel Canyon and entered my apartment. I removed my uniform and put on my nightshirt. I sat on the couch tired and revitalized at the same time. Maybe things were getting back to normal. My mind drifted again to Nicholas Koropolis.

A shuffling noise outside the front door made me leap out of the couch. I pressed my ear to the door and heard footsteps outside the apartment and felt someone on the other end of the doorknob. With all my strength I threw the door open and instantly pushed the intruder against the opposing wall with telekinesis and froze the figure in his own mind. The body lay in front of me convulsing. It was Detective Donnelly. Oops.

After he came to, he apologized for frightening me. He had a southern accent and with it southern manners. I almost turn him into a vegetable and he apologized to me. He spun around apparently realizing before I did that I was half naked. I blushed and ran to get my robe. I offered him a seat at the kitchen table and asked if he'd like something to drink.

"Coffee would be great."

"I thought I was the only one that drank coffee at night." I laughed. I noticed he held a plain brown paper wrapped package. He saw me eyeing it.

"Oh, sorry" he apologized again "This was leaning up against your door when I walked up..."

"And why detective were you walking up?" I asked.

"I saw you earlier tonight with your team going into Perez Park from Skyway City. I know its dangerous in there and that Vahz tend to hang out there so I came by to see if you found anything out."

"But that was hours ago, Detective."

"Well yes ma'am. I've checked in every hour or so. This last time I saw the package then heard rustling inside so I got concerned."

"Well I heard you and got a little concerned myself. I almost fried your brain. Maybe you should knock next time." I smiled.

"Think I will, ma'am. Oh, and good to see you're getting those powers back. "he smiled. It was a great smile.

We talked for the next hour about what little evidence we had. All the Vahz I could interrogate were too low level and knew nothing. He had found the same to be true on his end. We talked briefly about other leads and strategies. He was easy to talk to; very open and charming. He paid attention to your words and never interrupted. I on the other hand found myself distracted by his crystal blue eyes and his intoxicating drawl. My thoughts drifted away when he stood from the table.

He excused himself politely; it was late and he didn't want to keep me from sleep. He turned as he opened the door and there was an awkward pause. "What is it?" he asked.

Wondering if he could read my thoughts......hoping he couldn't...oh god.....I hoped he couldn't. I just muttered something totally incoherent. I blushed and ran my hand through my hair. Damnit Amanda get yourself together! "Wha.....wha...Huh?"

"The package, ma'am." he grinned (damn I bet he knew) "What is it?"

I opened the package. It was an old leather bound book: On privilege by J. Purvis. I didn't recognize the title or the author. It was odd but obviously not threatening.

"Want me to take it in?"

"No...no...its just a book. If there is anything in it out of the ordinary I'll let you know." I blushed again. Another awkward pause. "Goodnight, Detective"

"Call me Frank, ma'am."

"Call me Mandy." I smiled and shut the door pulse racing. Too awake...too distracted I sat down, opened the book and began reading.

Thirteen facts about my new life

Here were the facts as I knew them.

1. On August 31 I woke up in an unmarked bunker in a costume I had never seen before.
2. I could not account for the three previous days.
3. I could not fly or use any of my powers.
4. My information was missing from the cities computer files.
5. I had been robbed of all the equipment and credentials I carried as a hero.
6. My home had been completely cleaned out with no sign of entry. (forced or welcomed)
7. An irradiated tumor that almost killed me as a child which also gave me heroic powers had miraculously moved to the opposite side of my brain. And I was still alive.
8. DNA samples of me and other heroes were stolen by Vahz operatives three months ago.
9. After many tests and interviews, it was determined that noone knew what had happened to me or my powers.
10. The city government, police and hero representatives were too busy to help.
11. I would have to go under the alias of Mental Maden2 and completely re-train from security level 1. (If I even had the potential to gain powers at all)
12. All my high leveled friends were preoccupied or unavailable.
13. I started having nightmares.

Part 9: In the shadow of Atlas

I had waited no more than five minutes at the foot of the Atlas Statue when I was greeted by a friendly voice.

"Mental Maden?"

I looked up and smiled at what was a semi-familiar face. She definitely looked like her Aunt Onceti. "You must be Linceti," I said brightly offering my hand to her. We shook and exchanged pleasantries. "Are you ready for this?" I asked.

"Yes I am ma'am. And let me say its so great that I have someone to help me find my way around Paragon. I could really use the help." she said with the same cadance as her famous Aunt. The resemblance was uncanny. Oh the hair was a little different and she didn't have Onceti's trademark eye patch, but there was no doubt they were related.

"And Maden, I just want you to know that my aunt told me that your past is to be kept quiet. And let me just say that your secret's safe with me. I promise...."

"If May trusts you. That's all the promise I need. Now lets go out there and show those thugs some justice!" I said as we ran off into the streets of Atlas Park.

"No problem. Let's go." she said enthusiastically.

We spent the next few hours cleaning the streets of Hellion gangmembers and raiding Superdyne (a dangerous designer drug) labs in various warehouses. At first I showed Linceti a few pointers, but it all came very natural to her. I didn't want to be a pushy know-it-all so I let her ask me questions if needed. She was a real pro and took to hero work like her aunt. We were quickly gaining security levels and training with Miss Liberty, an old confidant, who made my first day easier by taking little jabs at me.

"Well hey there newb, do you need me to show you where the Atlas Statue is?" she asked as I trained up to security level 3. (For those unfamiliar #1 she stands under it #2 its huge!) And each consecutive level she had something new for me, always finishing with a friendly wink and a caring nod.

My commUnit rang with a tell from an unfamiliar name: Molten Quarrel. "I'm looking for a team. Any room?"

"Sure." I invited him to the team and we found him on the commUnit map. "We'll come to you."

He stood tall and strong with blue skin and a third eye. It turned out he ,too, had skills with bow and arrow as well as the power to control fire. He was quiet and thoughtful with obvious leadership skills.

We set off and teamed until just after midnight. We decided to call it a night and planned to meet up the next evening. We said our goodbyes, put each other on our commUnit friends list and headed in our own directions. I was off to Steel Canyon for a needed nights sleep.

After a long tram ride and what seemed an even longer elevator ride I was finally home exhausted and glad this first day was finally over. It had gone well; better than expected. My two teammates were good team players and sincerely nice individuals. That is rare to find in a town where the heroes seems to get younger and more obnoxious everyday. I set my alarm for 6:00 a.m. (I was teaching a 7:30 Intro to Microbiology class in the morning) and I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

I was flying above Founder's Falls, my childhood neighborhood, it was a peaceful wonderful day. The wind was soothing with the warmth of the sun on my back. I flew around admiring the beauty of the city when a large cloud swallowed the sun. I looked at the ground and saw the shape of the cloud's shadow shift from one amorphous form to another. I stopped, hovered and adjusted my eyes when I noticed the shadow had taken the ominous form of a bird. My head began to pound a cruel drumbeat and I began to hyperventilate......I felt my body giving in to gravity as i fell towards the giant bird's shadow mouth. FLASH!!!

I sat upright in bed, covers and pillows flying in all directions. I caught my breath and slowly looked toward the nightstand. The glowing numbers on my alarm clocked flashed 3:33 a.m.

Damn it.

Part 8: Begin Again (the second first)

"Nervous?" the voice asked behind me. Startled I turned. Smiling was the familiar face of Brighid Moriera.

"Oh, not really," I sighed "It just feels so surreal. You know? Here it is almost the same time of year that I started doing this so long ago and here I am in the same place. So many things have changed, yet I'm back at the beginning. I feel like Sisyphus rolling the rock up the hill."

I felt a warm tear trail down my face. Luckily it was the side opposite Brighid. I couldn't let anyone see me like this. I had to be strong. My mind trailed away to my first day fighting crime. Right here in Atlas Park. As I wiped the moisture from my face I smiled. Another tear followed. It felt like being the new kid in school. I walked downstairs to the offices of Dr. St. John Smythe.

He was reading some scientific article, as he always is, when I walked up to him. I looked down and smiled.

"You know you don't have to do this Mandy." he said returning the smile.

"I know Smithie." It was my name for him after he took me in. He wasn't my father; no one could take his place, but he was special. Possibly the only person on earth that even came close to Daddy. "But you know I have to do this. I have to find out whats behind this. What if other heroes are in danger."

"Mandy, you could just retire. I'll pull the strings; get you a nice retirement ceremony and I'm sure I can push for your pention as soon as the computer records are recovered."

"Now Smithie, you know I don't need a pension. You know more than anyone I don't need money."

"I know I know honey, it's just owed to you for your service."

"I never did this for money or for ceremonies, you of all people should know that."

His eyes beamed with pride. "You are so like your father at times. But thank god you look like your mother. " He laughed and half smiled. He wasn't happy I was doing this. His eyes said it all to me. I had seen that look before. I have had this conversation before. In this very spot. God it seems like so long ago..........my mind drifted back to my first day as a hero.

I stood before him a new hero looking brave and tough. Well, I was trying to look tough. I was wearing the brand new green uniform I designed with his daughter and my best friend ,Tess, before she headed back to Brown Medical School. I was excited and terrified. I had special abilities and I was bent on making a difference in the world. Besides I could do this for awhile then go to Med school. My knees shook, my eyes widened with excitement and I flashed him the smile that always got me what I wanted. (It worked on Daddy and over the years Smithie became weak to it.)

"You know you don't have to do this Amanda?" he said trying to resist my big eyed smile. "You have all the money in the world, a great mind like your dad's, the beauty of your mother, your youth. All the potential in the world to have a life much better than most......"

"You know I have to do this Smithie. It's for all those reasons I should do this. I owe this city for all its given my family...."

"Give to charity, give your time after Med school to a free clinic, hell build a hospital. You can have anything the world has to offer. I don't think you want what is coming to you. Its dangerous, Mandy."

"I know Smithie" attack of the smile again.

"Your father would kill me ,bless his soul, if he knew I was letting you do this."

I smiled even bigger, "You didn't have a choice. Love you Smithie." I kissed him on his cheek and ran off into Atlas Park for my first day as a hero.

"Amanda....Amanda.......what were you thinking about?" he said snapping his fingers in my face.

I shook my head; back to the present. I grinned, "We've had this conversation before, remember?"

"Don't remind me! He'd never forgive me for letting you do this twice. He only wanted the best for you. He loved you so much. I love you Mandy. Love you like my own."

"I know....I know. Love you Smithie." I kissed him on his cheek and ran off into Atlas Park for my second first day as a hero.

Part 7: The bitter chill of morning air and disappointment

I sat rocking on the bed for an eternity. I was strung out with stress and anxiety. The taste of bile mixed with the nausea waging war with my insides. I was cold. I checked the thermostat innumerable times. Temperature was fine. It was me. I've had nightmares before, believe me, going through juvenile cancer will cause bad dreams. This was different because it all felt so real. I was losing it and noone could help me. Wait....I have friends....They will help me....Dr. St. John Smythe...he will help. No I have noone. I felt powerless....weak....ineffective.....paranoid. Every shadow turned into the bird's shadow. Every sound from the street sounded like the cries of the dying in that unnamed city. The vastness of the Shadow Shard drained my will. My brain hurt....it vibrated...my brain vibrated...The tumor??? or just stress....should I call my doctor. The clock mockingly glowed 4:47. I passed out with exhaustion. This time no flashes....just paralyzing sleep.

I woke to loud beeping. I knew the sound, it wasn't an alarm it was my CommUnit. I shook my aching head, focused my eyes and grabbed the unit. The clock read 5:33. Who needs me now....Who knows my new alias?

"Miss Mental! Miss Mental!" It was Winter and she sounded frantic. "Mental I.....uh....you need to come to the base of the statue, right now."

"Winter, Winter, calm down, I'll be there. Give me a minute"

I went to the closet and grabbed my uniform. (The one I had never seen before the other day) I locked the apartment and took the elevator to the street trying to brush the cobwebs from my mind. I should have brushed......vomit breath. The morning was cold, but a good cold, it woke me up made things more clear.

As I approached the statue I could see Winter sitting on the foot of the statue, her head down almost in shame. She slowly looked up at me her eyes circled black with exhaustion and strain. I didn't have to ask her I could see. She'd been speeding around the city all night, nonstop, as she was trying to do this task for me. Her head fell back as soon as it looked up. She didn't want me to see her disappointment.

"I think I failed you Mental. I'm so sorry. I went to the places you told me and talked to some...Some were gone...I tried...I've been running all night........"

"Winter, settle down, tell me whats wrong. Take a breath."

She inhaled and exhaled. She looked down again.

"I'm sorry Mental but they can't come...."

"Its ok I didn't expect them all to come. I mean it was last minute." I laughed.

"No, none of them can come. None of them"

"None? Hoard?"

"He's moved ....I couldn't find him at his old house, so I sent him an offline message."

"Tellania?" I asked

"Shadow Shard Task Force."(hmmm,That may come in handy) "Another offline message. The Troll Princess is somewhere on a lead about her brother. Her assistant said she's in one of her moods. Solar Mistress wouldn't answer. Not sure about her. But you know."Her finger circled the side of her head. The crazy sign.

"Well Medistar and Tetsujin Kaga now they....."

"Medi is rumored to be doing cross dimensional work on Earth Virtue(an alternate Earth dimension) I uh heard he looks different there, uh nevermind. Anyway, Tet's in Japan at some food competition. Again, offline messages. The only one I actually talked to was May and she's sick. Flu. I told her she needed to drink lots of fluids and lots and lots of Vitamin C.....I never get sick cause I drink lots of water and take vitamins...you know I read somewhere..."

"Winter, focus!" I half yelled. Her dazed eyes focused at this order.

"Oh, sorry, I went to see her. Just now. Woke her up but did make her breakfast and ran to the pharmacy for her and got her some medicine and vitamins..."

"Winter!"

"Sorry, sorry, anyway she gave me a name. Her niece or something. She said she's new in Paragon and could help you early on. She's a new hero, too." she realized what she had said. "I mean...I didn't mean you were a new hero.. I just mean someone to team with since they are all gone for now and you know I don't think I will be able to for awhile. I'm tired. Really tired."

I laughed and looked at her sagging posture with pride and pity. She was spent. The poor thing ran herself to death for me. "You did well Winter, don't be worried. They all got the messages. Thats all that matters. They will come through; they always do. I don't want you patrolling or mishing (hero term for running missions) for anyone for awhile. I want you to rest and study. Now go home. And thank you so much for your hard work."

She looked up and smiled. Approval revived her and ZIP she was off. She was three blocks away when she turned and waved goodbye. I laughed and turned toward my building. At least I had a name of someone to team with until the others came back: Linceti May.

Part 6: The red skies of insanity

Despair flooded my mind in such strong waves I cried out in anguish. Tears flowed down my cheeks like twin salty waterfalls. Never in my life had I felt this much darkness and fear in my soul. Why? I didn't know, but it felt as if the pain of the world was directed into me. All I could do was wail to let the agony out. But as depression goes this only snowballed the feelings. I was a wreck...and completely unaware at first of the foreign landscape that surrounded me. The sky was a beautiful mixture or crimson and violet. Cloud formations moving quickly almost hypnotizing the viewer. I had been here before. It was the Shadow Shard, a transdimensional region that was being explored by the only the bravest and most powerful heroes of Paragon City. It was breathtakingly beautiful but extremely dangerous. Why was I there? How did I get there? There was no way I could be there with my new lowered security level. Then I noticed I was in my old uniform. Not the one I had on when I woke up in the bunker but the one I had fought in before that day. And orbiting me was the faint green glow of my force field. Could it be I was restored to my old self? The force field was conclusive proof. Maybe all was finally back to normal? But why was I so upset? FLASH!!!

I was standing in the ruins of a city. One that I could not immediately recognize. Buildings,trees and vehicles were tossed aside like matchsticks. I had to collect my thoughts. My vision was blurred. I shook myself to restore my sight when I noticed I was standing in the epicenter of what had to be a nuclear blast. But as my sight became clear I saw that although this city was destroyed as far as one could see there was no smoke or flame, just dust. My forcefield was on....that's what must have saved me. But who caused this? Who was I fighting? Was it?????FLASH!!!

I was in the middle of a quiet room sitting in a wooden chair, the only piece of furniture in sight. Sunlight from the window in front of me blinded me to the point of pain. I stood and spun around to avoid the glare and looked at the wall behind me. There cast against the wall paired with mine was the shadow of a bird flitting outside the window. I didn't see it due to the brightness. It was a peaceful site. As the bird flew away its shadow became larger until it enveloped the entire wall swallowing mine with its size. I saw its mouth open and although the bird had to be a good distance from the building it let out a squeal as loud as any train whistle I have ever heard. Glass broke from the window. It shook me and chilled me. I spun around to see this strange bird. Nothing there and the sunlight now hid behind a cloud.FLASH!!!

I sat up in my bed, nightshirt dripping with sweat. Pain, fear and confusion swirled through me like evil in pill form. I ran to the bathroom and vomited. Oh thank god....It was all a dream. I looked at the clock....3:33 a.m. Just a few hours until my meeting with the others. I needed the sleep but something told me it wouldn't come easily. As soon as my head hit the pillow. FLASH!!!

I flew over the ruins of the same destroyed city. I could hear the cries of the few remaining living , my soul repelled with the horror. I went from neighborhood to neighborhood desparately trying to find some of the survivors. After several hours of searching, I flew as far up as I could go to survey the damage. It was horrible...anyone's worse nightmare.....As far as my eyes could see destruction..... Past the city and into the countryside that surrounded it.....ruined. My head started to spin and I fell toward the ruins. The ground grew in size quickly. I passed out. Blackness. FLASH!!!

I sat bolt upright in bed. Knees pressed to my chest as I rocked back and forth. I looked over at the clock.....3:33 a.m. I didn't try to sleep again. Coffee....yeah, coffee would be good.

Part 5: Who needs FedEx when you have friends with superspeed?

I knew I couldn't solve this mystery alone and that there were but a few people I could trust to help me. Whoever or whatever was causing these changes in me could be anywhere, anyone....anything. I needed someone to deliver the request for me. Someone with speed. Super speed.

I first met Winter Flux in Brickstown. She was side-kicking (teaming with a much stronger and more experienced hero for training purposes... a risky way of learning but often used to "fast-track" a career) with a friend and occasional teammate of mine: HOTCHILL. Winter was a brash, smart-mouthed teenage mutant with powers to not only freeze a target but also shock it into submission. She was overconfident but far from underpowered. I watched her hold Freakshow Tank Swipers with an electric field then freeze them in their tracks under a block of ice. Although she was a little rough around the edges I saw that day she had potential....as a hero and as a friend. We were two different people from two very different worlds.

She came from the wrong side of the tracks. The youngest child of a single mom trying to make ends meet in Kings Row. After her mutation was discovered her mother wanted to exploit her powers for money, but Winter just wanted to be a normal kid. For two years her mother would come home drunk and tell her daughter that she could never love a freak like her. She moved out when she was 14. She crashed with various friends and family in the area while she went to school. She had to grow up quickly and become tough to make it in "the Row". She talked fast and fought fast, but she was a good kid...really wanted to make a difference. She was a good student that made friends quickly. And even though she was one her own, living off others, and while tempting as it was with her mutant abilities, she never broke the law. Never even let anyone outside her family know of her gift. After highschool she took odd jobs and started freelance hero work.....a little for kicks and a little for justice.

After I saw her in Bricks, I took her under my wing: got her an apartment and a scholarship at the University through the Cambridge Education Fund. She was grateful and fiercely loyal. I have always been in awe of her energy. She is fearless, sometimes wreckless and always tireless. Especially when it comes to talking. She's like a demonic talking Elmo doll on bad Arkansas meth. She can go on and on and on about anything and nothing. Once while fighting an army of Rikti warriors, teammates fighting to stay alive, she could be heard babbling about her favorite Deathcab for Cutie album and the previous nights episode of the OC. All the while freezing and electrifying what I would think would be very confused aliens. The girl is figuritively and literally a dynamo. But one thing she can do faster than talking is running. Once I saw her tear through Peregrine Island right through a troupe of Carnival of Shadows leaving them bewildered as to where the source of the off-keyed rendition of Blue Monday was coming from (And if you are wondering it was the New Order version not Orgy's which she has told me many times is the best...she has argued with Hoard of Souls innumerable times on this topic alone) only to run back by the same group singing an equally awful version of Firestarter by Prodigy.

I gave her the list of friends to call on and the time and location to meet. Without question she took the task and left in a flash. In the distance I could hear the sour notes of some Kelly Clarkson song, I shuddered then I laughed.....